Guest Post: When Breast Isn’t Best

Written By: Jamie, Guest Blogger

Throughout my entire pregnancy I had always assumed that I would breastfeed, formula never entered my mind.  Breastfeeding is a natural thing, so it can’t be that hard….right?  Oh how wrong I was.

My son Kain was born happy and healthy on his due date in March.  We immediately did skin to skin and started the breastfeeding process.  During this time the nurse noticed that he was severely tongue tied, meaning the piece of skin that holds his tongue to the bottom of his mouth was very close to the tip of his tongue.  This can cause many different issues with breastfeeding and speech as he would develop.  Luckily since the nurse noticed it so quickly the doctor was able to go in and snip this piece of skin before he was even 24 hours old.  After this it took Kain a while to adjust to the new movement of his tongue, but it would not cause any long term affects.

While we were in the hospital breastfeeding seemed to be going well, I have above average sized breasts, 36 FF, before pregnancy.  So trying to find a comfortable position for both my son and I was a challenge at first but the nurses were really great.  Then we went home and everything seemed to continue to go well.  I could feel my breasts getting fuller, Kain was dirtying diapers like he should have been, but then everything seemed to fall apart.  Kain started to get super cranky, I don’t know how many times I said “you can’t be hungry again, you just ate.”  But he always seemed to be starving, even if I just fed him.  I wasn’t feeling the fullness in my breasts anymore, I assumed it was because my body had adjusted.  Every once in a while I would have a small let down in the shower but other than that I never saw or felt any evidence of a new breastfeeding mom.

At Kain’s 3 week appointment, he still wasn’t back to his birth weight, he actually had lost a 0.5 pound since his previous check-up and the doctor was concerned.  She wanted me to start supplementing with formula right away but I was in denial and wanted to continue breastfeeding because it was what I had in my head from the beginning.  She said she would give me 48 hours and he had to gain a certain amount of weight for her to be okay not supplementing.  So for the next 48 hours I literally did 3 things, ate, breastfed and slept.  Every time he cried I fed him, it was incredibly stressful.  When we returned to the doctors and put Kain on the scale, he has gained 1 ounce….really just 1! I was in disbelief, I felt so defeated.  But it also told me something wasn’t right and we had to give him the food he needed.

The Supplementation Process

We picked up the formula on the way home and gave him his first 2 ounces right away.  I wanted to continue to breastfeed, hoping that something would change and we would be able to give up the formula after a short period of time.  After we started supplementing it was like we had a completely different baby, he was happier and cried less.  I felt terrible, breastfeeding is a natural thing but for some reason it wasn’t working for Kain and I. 

Over the next week he was doing great, however I was starting to become more and more unlike myself.  I still felt defeated and I was becoming increasingly frustrated but I was determined to continue breastfeeding.  At this point Kain was 4 weeks old and I would be returning to work in 2 weeks so it was time to start pumping!  This had to work right?!  NOPE.  I tried pumping for about a week, I found it terribly uncomfortable and even more frustrating because I could see how little milk I was really producing.  I never got more than an ounce.  

Once I saw how little I was getting I called the lactation consultant, hoping that she would be able to help.  We went through a whole checklist of things and nothing seemed to be the answer.  So she suggested medication; again there is hope!  I was supposed to take this medication for 3 days and if my milk production didn’t increase I was supposed to double it for another 3 days.  If that didn’t work then there wasn’t much else we could do.  I tried the medication for the whole 6 days, doubling it when I was supposed to and there was never any change in my production.  She said I would be obviously engorged…I felt nothing.  

When Reality Sets In…

So finally I came to the realization that maybe this just isn’t going to work.  At this point I would be going back to work very soon; I didn’t see how I could keep up with the stress of trying to get the breast milk my son needed and work on top of that.

So, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor, who is also Kain’s doctor so she was aware of the whole situation.  She sat me down and finally said “It isn’t worth this stress, you’ve done more than a lot of mothers would to try and make this work.”  I looked at Kain and realized how much healthier and happier he was on the formula and I waved the white flag.  

Once I made that decision to stop breastfeeding it was like the weight of the world was off of my shoulders and I could enjoy my son without worrying about him getting enough to eat from me. When I stopped, I never got engorged, I never had any pain.  It was like I wasn’t producing enough for my breasts to even realize I stopped.  That assured me that I had made the right decision.

Now at 7.5 months old Kain is an amazing little boy who is growing like crazy (he currently wears 12 months clothes and will soon be out of them.)  The doctor was right, it wasn’t worth the stress.  

I wanted to share my story because there is such a push in society to breastfeed and sometimes it just isn’t possible for whatever reason.  I pushed myself into postpartum depression because of it and had to start taking medication because of PPD. I am hoping to wean off of that soon with the doctor’s permission.  It isn’t worth putting yourself through that amount of stress.  If your baby is happier and healthier on formula than that is all that matters.

About the Guest Blogger:

Jamie is 32 years old, she married Travis in 2010.  On March 10, 2014 they welcomed their son Kain William.  Jamie enjoys spending time with her family which include 1 dog and 2 cats.  She also loves to read and travel.

 

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